Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
