what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
