Well douche your snatch and let's go!
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
