On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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