Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
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