Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
