Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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