Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
