exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
