Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Randomize
