i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
We need to rekindle our bromance
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
