Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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