he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Sober January is a disaster.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
