good thing vaginas are great cup holders
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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