I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
