So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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