got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
He shit in the fireplace
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