Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
