Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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