I hate all girls vehemently.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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