I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
