woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
