Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
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