So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
