I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Randomize
