I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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