so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize