I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
