hell yes lets make some ravioli
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
