Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
