Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
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