I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
