you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
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