Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
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