I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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