Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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