I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
if only i could text you this smell
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Randomize
