dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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