If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
