I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
