and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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