Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
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