Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
