I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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