All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Randomize
