thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
