One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
