I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
