I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
