can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Randomize
