You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Randomize