i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
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