You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
