i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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