i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Randomize
