Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
