a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
