we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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