Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Randomize
