Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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