I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
