We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
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