I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Randomize
