just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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