Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
