imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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