Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
