So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
