"it" just moved
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
