I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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