Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Randomize
