and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize