if i can run in heels then i can drive
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
the condom got lost in my hair
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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