You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
