Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Randomize